Question:
Asthma is caused by a deficite of corn starch in the pituitary gland,
which then triggers a reacton called "moffing" that causes the lungs
to close up.
Native Americans, who ate a lot of corn, never got asthma; as
evidenced by the absense of any mention of it in their literature.
William Kellogg first marketed his corn flakes as a cure for asthma,
but later withdrew the claim after a barrage of lawsuits. The lawsuits
were later found to have been convertly sponsored by the Quaker Oats
Company.
More recently, the effects of corn flakes on asthma have been
scientifically verified by a triple blind study done at a clinic in
New Caledonia. There, two hundred people, some of whom had asthma,
were fed corn flakes every morning. Scientific statistical analysis
demonstrated that some of them improved over the course of the six
week study.
Why has this cure been hidden for so long? I'll tell you why! Not much
money can be made on corn flakes. Especially if you buy the generic
kind.
Answer:
The thing is, generic cornflakes don't do it. You have to buy cornflakes
enriched with the finest Omega3 fatty acids, vitamins, and Retsyn. Not to
mention the extremely important growing process. If the cornflakes are picked
off the tree too soon, they won't cure asthma. If they're picked off too ripe,
they cure the asthma but cause you to grow extremely thick body hair all over.
Now, I own the best cornflake tree farm in the country. So, to get my
cornflakes, send $1,000 to: Oneborn Everyminute
1954 Bridge to Sell in Brooklyn Dr.
Noo Yawk, NY 40934
Increased cornflake consumption is good for asthma. This is common
knowledge among health care professionals Now, you would think that they would not do so, as it might eat into the
profits of the drug companies. But they do!
So why would they ALL--and this is what you are actually saying--why would
they ALL hide this miracle cornflake cure from us?
You would think there would be enough honest health care professionals,
that the information would leak out, get on 60 Minutes, and we'd all know
about it.
YES! Eat cornflakes. Absolutely. But don't expect them to cure your asthma.
Instead of milk put water on your cornflakes and sprinkle some salt on
them. This might do the trick.
Well, you finally did it!! It's clear that you are a shill for the Kelloggs
Company. Colin, Hacky, Scooby, and I want to know where the scientific
evidence is. Give us your references. In what scientific journals does this
appear? If you can't provide these references - just keep your loony tunes to
yourself!!! Water and salt neutralizes the magic faery dust.
This is why treating asthma via corn flakes should be kept in the hands of true
certified corn flake specialists such as myself. actually there is a news report out that states that Cherios ground and mixed
with saline and nebulized is much more efficient at curing asthma than
cornflakes.....jus thought I should share that! :-)
